Dysfunctional Doesn't Even Begin to Describe it
by Uppgreyedd
Summary: Snippets of the lives of eight diverse videogame figures living together. Bear witness as their clashing personalities constantly butt against one another, as they try to live their lives the way they wish, without commiting homicide to achieve this.


Author's Notes- Not much to say about this. My first fic, and in hopes of that it won't be a target of flames, I've made it a humor fic that will hopefully be, at least, mildly amusing. Also, since it's my first fic, _ever_, flames are expected and will be understandable if this sucks. Damn, I really appear negative about this… oh well.

The main characters in this story will obviously be somewhat OOC, since it wouldn't be humor if someone wasn't acting like normal.

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the main characters in this story. They respectively belong to Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft, Capcom, Namco, Konami, and Midway. That, and I doubt you would make much from suing a teenager.

**Dysfunctional Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It**

**Chapter 1: Moving Back In**

When Akuma, Mewtwo, Scorpion, Taki, and the Arbiter agreed to move back into the building they shared with a demi-god, a double agent that worked for an Illuminati-like group, and a thunder-god, they had given up in attempting to live with other people or alone.

In what could be considered a bad omen of chaos to come for the inhabitants of 742, AGATE DR, the day the aforementioned five eccentric beings had finally settled into their old living spaces, it was the day before Valentine's Day. The reason being why the aforementioned five beings had moved out was the highly stressful ordeal of living with several confirmed sociopaths with various issues.

But surprisingly, it was less torturous than living with new roommates that had issues of their own.

At least they had grown accustomed to Kratos' and Scorpion's bursts of rage, Akuma's unsettling presence, Mewtwo's constant nitpicking of what was going on in their heads, Ocelot's rude and sadistic personality, with Liquid occasionally taking over his body, Taki's frightening and intimidating anger that could rival her roommates, the Arbiter's general uneasiness concerning the human race (excluding most humans who had served in the military at some point), and Raiden's mischief nature concerning so many combustible elements under the same roof.

Yep, at least they had grown sort of use to _this_. And Akuma, Scorpion, Mewtwo, and Taki weren't willing to go through a similar ordeal when considering if they should live with other people.

Taki had tried living with other people _and_ by herself, but she failed at both. She first tried living with some of her fellow ninja friends like Ryu Hayabusha, Grey Fox, and Strider Hiryu. Living with Hayabusha didn't work out because Taki couldn't handle the get along with the female companions he had. It was like living with Kratos and Raiden again! Strider didn't work out because Taki found out the ninja had a slight crush on her. Taki loathed romance and only liked Strider as a _friend_. Grey Fox didn't work out because the cyborg ninja was also good friends with Taki's hated coworker, Mitsurugi.

She then attempted continuing the lifestyle she had after she left her clan, simply wandering to place after place, walking the earth. She was going to go with this, until she realized that Namco would have no way in contacting her, thus no paycheck.

Akuma tried going back to his old lifestyle of living on a deserted island. However, the island he had chosen also happened to be where the Japanese government sent entire classes of high school students to kill each other. Even a heartless bastard like Akuma recognized that act for the evil it was. Unskilled and inexperienced children had no place in bloody battle. What a waste of young lives. He put a permanent end to that silly exercise as well. Shortly after, he decided to just move back into the building.

Scorpion was doing what Taki was thinking of doing, wandering around. He was more experienced when it came to this, so he was smart enough to give Midway his bank account.

Unfortunately, he ran into some _problems_ after he had humiliated a Mr. Heihachi Mishima. Heihachi then preceded to send his own army to send the undead ninja back to the Netherealm. At least when he was living with fellow badasses, Heihachi was smart enough not to try to attack him while he his roommates were in the house.

Mewtwo had a back up plan incase living in 742, Agate Drive grew too hectic for him. He would simply move back into the Smash Mansion. When he had tried to, he was told that only people apart of the _current_ tournament could reside in the mansion.

The Arbiter had done the best out of all of them. He had managed to almost survive a month in a chic little apartment that he shared with the Chief. That was until complicated matters arose in John's love life concerning the AI Cortana, and a certain bounty hunter named Samus became too much for the Arbiter to bear.

Kratos never bothered to move out because while he hated living with his roommates, moving out meant that he was giving up. And Kratos _didn't give up!_ He would make the other person submit, or he would end up being crippled.

Raiden hadn't tried to move out because there were some... _unprofessional things_ he had done shortly before he had moved away from the other Elder Gods. Let's just say it involved sacrifices, a drunk powerful being, misplacing a bunch of powerful artifacts, and pranks inspired by immature comedies.

Ocelot hadn't attempted to move out because he had enemies everywhere, and reasoned that if they broke into this building, at least they'd be worn out from killing everyone else by the time they got to him.

As the last of the Arbiter's belongings entered his room, a tense silence took place in the building. Despite the fact these people had lived together for quite some time, it was due to circumstance and neither of them really bonded. Kratos sure as hell didn't, that's for sure.

This was mainly because he had slept with some of his roommate's coworkers.

For instance, he slept with some of Taki's coworkers cough, cough TiraSetsukaIvyCassandra cough, cough.

Some of Akuma's coworkers cough, cough MorriganCammyJuniMakiRoseR.Mika cough, cough.

And some of Raiden's and Scorpion's coworkers cough, cough KiraSindelJadeSareenaFrostLiMeiNitara cough, cough.

They (and the rest of the inhabitants) had learned one very important rule: never introduce Kratos to any of your female friends and coworkers.

Anyway, the silence was awkward and no one was willing to break it, like your first boy/girl dance your school held. Finally, Kratos huffed at Taki, "I see you still dress like a harlot."

_This_ was the main reason the ninja had moved out in the first place. That attitude of Kratos was what would drive Taki to want to kill the bastard, and completely forget about her hatred for Mitsurugi. Kratos ducked just in time, as a kunai flew over his head, impaling itself to the wall behind him. Everyone else groaned. All of them had just settled in, and already those two were trying to kill each other.

This was another reason why Akuma, Scorpion, Mewtwo, and the Arbiter had moved out of the three-story house. This made those four wonder if it really _was_ a good idea to move back in. This wondering made them wonder why they had moved in here to begin with.

Definitely one reason why all of them had moved here in the first place was the cheapness of the place. Especially with so many people sharing the bills, this place was practically a steal. It had taken all of them awhile to figure out why the pay for this nice building was so low. It turns out that the house had been built over an Indian- no wait, a _Native American_ (for you PC type) burial ground. When they had found out about this, the eight of them literally shrugged. This was nothing compared to the crap all of them had faced in their life. Taki had simply performed a ritual (that included the participation of her roommates) to purify the building and keep the angry spirits away.

Akuma had moved in here because of all the worthy foes living in the house. A thunder-god, a demi-god, a ninja and a undead ninja (ninjas are always fun to fight), a powerful psychic, a alien warrior, and a man who was a master gunslinger. Of course, Ocelot was the house member Akuma least respected, but Akuma couldn't help but appreciate a man who had actually managed to hit him with a bullet.

Speaking of Ocelot, he was also another reason why people had moved out. Although, it wasn't exactly Ocelot, himself, that was the cause. Sure, he was a double-crosser and a sadistic bastard, but everyone else in the house could deal with that. It was his 'other half' that drove the others crazy. Ocelot took a special medication to rid of this unforeseen circumstance, from a arm replacement operation, and when he would run out of his medication, and forget to buy more, his 'other half' would pop out to annoy the hell out of everyone with it's oily British accent, that when you add with the voice of an old man, just didn't belong.

This 'other half' went by Liquid Snake. Liquid was, without a doubt, the biggest ass in the house. All the occupants (besides Ocelot) were able to agree on two things: they all hated Liquid, and it took every fiber in their body to _not_ cut off Ocelot's right hand. Ocelot completely agreed with the first statement, but as much as he loathed Liquid, he wasn't going to cut off his right arm to rid himself of the wanker.

"You sexist **bastard!**" was the shrill shout of Taki, as she un-holstered her dual Kodachis, named Reki-Maru and Mekii-Maru, and engaged Kratos in a swordfight. This whole hatred between the two began the first day all of them had first moved into the house, and Taki politely introduced herself to everyone one of her roommates. Kratos happened to be the last, and as she introduced herself, she couldn't help but notice the Spartan ogling her figure far more than her other roommates. Kratos then tried to get Taki into bed, but it was obvious that this only enraged Taki, and thus a huge commenced, bringing all the other occupants in the house into a huge brawl that nearly destroyed the first floor. That one incident of sexism caused all of them to dislike each other in some way from there on out.

Raiden, the Arbiter, Scorpion, Mewtwo, and Ocelot rolled their eyes, as they briefly watched their two roommates battle. Each of them had a flashback to the first day they had moved in here and of the fight that caused most of them their paychecks to pay for the damage. They weren't going to be involved this time. They each made their way to the third floor, where all their rooms resided in, and went to bed early that day.

Raiden, the most common-sensed person in the house and one of the most intelligent (only Mewtwo, Taki, and Ocelot beat him in that department.), sighed one of those sighs that clearly meant:_ I'm in for some shit_. It was only 8 pm and already most of them were exhausted. The sound of breaking furniture and grunts and shouts of attacks filled the house. _Something tells me that we are in for chaos that none of us could have been prepared for. More than the last time all of us were together. I'm definitely not looking forward Valentine's Day tomorrow. Especially with those two no doubt going at it. Yep, it is gonna be a minefield tomorrow._ The thunder-god thought tiredly, as the sounds of Akuma joining the fight, for hell of it, was the last thing he heard before drifting off to Neverland.


End file.
